If you have a chronic illness or live with chronic pain, it’s highly likely that you have attended a support group at least one time since your diagnosis. Did the experience go something like this?
You feel exhausted and not very motivated to attend the meeting but you decided to go anyway. Find the meeting place, a parking spot and the right room leaves you wiped out. At last you locate a hard, sticky seat. A few people smile at you, but there is a discussion going about now aggravating doctors can be. Soon the topic moves to people comparing how many milligrams and pain killers they need and it feels like your pain is minimized because you are on less than most people. Two people try to convince you to try their juice remedy and you want to run screaming. It’s so depressing!
Aren’t support groups supposed to be beneficial in coping with illness?
Yes, they are! Studies done on support groups by David Spiegel, MD, have found that support groups do improve the quality of life for their attendees. Recently studies have concluded, however, that the lifespan of a patient with cancer may not increase because of a support group environment (CANCER, Sept 2007). However, we cannot deny the fact that the validation of one’s feelings about their illness definitely makes a difference in how they cope with chronic illness.
You may have attended a support group in the past or perhaps you are looking for leadership ideas for one you are starting. Regardless of how long you have (or have not) participated in one, it’s likely that you’ve seen how quickly the groups can move from being an honest and sharing place to a session of complaints and even quarreling. Would you like some fresh icebreaker games for small groups to perk people up?
Here are 10 ideas to help create some humor and joy in your support group. You can evade some of those bitter moments that can so easily come out in conversation about illness. Some simple planning can make you feel enthused about your next get together. These ideas will work for any groups, from a Rhode Island support group for CFS to a diabetes support group for those in Marion County, Florida. And they a great tool to have when you are creating a proposal for starting up a support group.
1. Before your meeting, cut out some smiley faces and sad faces and glue them on each side of a stick or a plastic knife. When everyone goes around the room to share about their experiences or emotions of the week, ask people to make sure they are able to hold up both “faces’. For example, Beth may say, “I’m not looking forward to my joint replacement surgery and all the rehab afterward” while holding up the sad side of the stick. And then she flips it to think of something positive to say “I feel blessed though, that the insurance is covering a lot of the expenses and my friends have volunteered to help take care of my children.”
2. Rethink your concept of what counts as indoor games for small groups. For example, have everyone bring things for a JOY box and then have everyone choose something to take with them out of it at each meeting. It could be a rubber frog, a favorite poem, a note someone sent, an encouraging book, a silly or sentimental DVD. Have everyone return them by the next meeting to share again.
3. Be goofy together with ice breakers for small groups. Make up a fun, corny theme song to start each meeting, or pick a tune everyone knows and make up new lyrics. Check out comedian Anita Renfroe’s website for some terrific examples that will leave you in stitches.
4. Find some goofy props to bring to your meeting. Don’t make anyone feel they must use or wear them. (Forcing someone to wear bug antennas may scare them away for good.) But make sure they are available to encourage light-hearted moments before discussing the depressing reasons you are there. You can find hundreds of items for a reasonable price at Oriental Trading Supply.
5. Though it can be a challenge, don’t let your group tune into a platform for any member to talk continuously about his or her disease, the treatments, alternative treatments and even complaints. If someone tends to dominate the conversation, let your group know you are implementing the use of a timer to make sure everyone has equal opportunity to share. Set whatever guidelines you wish, for instance, you could allow people to vent for sixty seconds on any topic. Or they could share about an alternative treatment they’ve found useful, but when the timer rings, time is up!
6. Ask everyone to bring an item to include in a gift basket encouragement for someone else. It may be someone who cannot attend the group someone having surgery, or a friend of someone recently diagnosed. Put your ideas together about things people would like. Don’t forget personal notes or even sticky notes on a small gift can mean the most.
7. Plan a fun evening for the group. If everyone wants a nice sit down restaurant, that’s fine, but you have more fun at your local kid’s pizza playing pinball. It can definitely be a successful icebreaker for small groups. A different environment may encourage some people to be vulnerable who have remained quiet previously.
8. Have items on hand that will encourage people to thrive despite their illness. For example, National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness week has fun things like bumper stickers, pins, mugs and stickers that have themes like “My illness is invisible but my hope shines through.”
9. Invite guest speakers who you trust will speak positively. Inform your speakers that they can “tell it like it is” but that you always want people to leave the meeting feeling energized; not depressed. Let them know they can use props, tell a joke, or do whatever it takes to keep people paying attention.
10. Focus on things that your group can actually do that will change things, since they may feel so unable to control their illness. If you can’t physically participate in the local walk for charity, could you work at a table handing out snacks or doing registration? Find events your group can participate in to feel like they are doing more than just complaining about their predicament. Take advantage of the energy that teens with chronic illness often have to motivate support groups to get involved in outside projects.
Support groups can provide some of the most influential relationships that can help one live successfully with chronic illness. The environment of the group, however, can make or break its usefulness. With these few simple tips, your group can be a refuge and a place of true relaxation, creating an special group for people to create friendships that could just last as long as the illness, perhaps indefinitely.
Don’t start your group until you’ve read How to Start a Chronic Illness Small Group Ministry, the new book by Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries. These 320-pages will gear you up and address all your concerns.